Its almost 2pm, just about the middle of a normal work day for most. Yet for some days now, this is a very dangerous time for me. Its almost around this time that i start going into a indescribable state of mind. There is no way i can think of work. Its just a matter of passing time till the evening, and i start back home.

Its about 4 months since i have started working. The experience has been a mixed bag. There has been times of fun, and yet times of extreme pressure. I have tasted both the flavors. But it isn’t really what i want perhaps. I started the job with the idea that thing will be boring, but i will manage. Initially there was some excitement, so much to learn, the boring trainings. But i got through all of them okay. But now that i have settled into daily routine of job, i cant find peace.

Life has become monotonous, with me waking up, going to work. Till afternoon, the energy of the new day sustains me. But after that, the drag of monotonicity of the job kicks in. I sit on my desk, music playing on earphones, and keep asking myself what am i doing. Its just that there is no contentment. There is no satisfaction of what i am doing. Sometimes i wish i had been paid more, Sometimes i wish that i was interning in some Asian country. Sometimes i wish i had given CAT this time, and ended up in an MBA.

Every afternoon i get melancholy missing so many things. I just dont want to work or think of anything at all. I have never felt so empty in life. So purposeless. Its just very new for me. I want to resign this very moment, but then the sanity kicks me back into reality. Wont it be fun, if i could leave it all and go do anything i like!