my Real Mind

Getting closer to my own mind

Trust

January31

This one was the best one i had written, when i did write this. It had just flowed at that time. I was in Kota ( class 11th) and had had a significant accident due to ANGER. End of 2004 or Early 2005 maybe.

There’s more to life , than just sitting there
Dreaming of something , but getting nowhere

Yes I need my life, yeah I need you too
I lay on the bed , stare at the walls but think of just u
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Dreams of a Gravity Bong

January25

<This is purely a work of fiction, and bears no resemblance to any person dead or alive.>

It was a bad day. Everything seemed to be screwed up. I was in one of those crazy moods, wanting to do something crazy. But what could be done, i wondered, that i have not done before? Fortunately i found one. Gravity Bong. Its a classic way of smoking tobacco, or weed etc. And it has a certain impact too. So i took not 1 or 2, but 3 shots ( or whatever you may call it ). The first 2 were light ones, but the 3rd was a full impact thing.

At first nothing changed. Then slowly, things started slowing down. I can compare it to a movie playing, at a much slower frame rate. Initially i could hear, and see, and process them instantaneously. Slowly i could see with pauses. The audio processing also slowed, and sometimes i missed scenes or voices, or both. Initially calm, but with this rate of slowing increasing, i panicked. I tried to have some water. Then i felt i would die. I was calling out for a doctor. It felt, that if i closed my eyes, i would pass out. Out of this world almost.
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God and Quantum Physics

January24

Its as if a light appeared, just as the darkness seemed to descend. That’s how it feels after reading this book recently. God is not Dead by Amit Goswami. The central theme is God, and Quantum Physics. Doesn’t seem related, right? Well it is and isn’t in a sense.

The reality is that materialism ( love for something physical ), and spiritualism ( love for something beyond matter ) appear to be 2 sides of the same coin. Two opposites that dont seem to meet. It was the same for me. I was split in 2 parts and both had the 2 extremes. One that wanted to go and meditate in Himalayas. The other wanting to be the owner of the biggest corporation in the world. This fight always continued, and sometimes left me exhausted. How do i fit both of them in my life, to create a perfect harmony?

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The Year and Decade gone by

January1

Its another Year gone by. A new one has arrived to take the place. As always we tried to find something special, in the daily things going around us. So we really wouldn’t miss the opportunity to concentrate on the bigger decade than a year. The news has been full of Trends, Pics, and other important aspects related to the decade than the year.

We are now wondering about the next decade. Why is it that even though none of us can predict a natural disaster or a terrorist attach a day in advance, we still try to predict the outcomes of the coming decade. All around i can see, technologies to look forward to in the next decade, the rise of India over China in the next decade, an apparent global warming ( appears more like cooling right now, with the blinding cold ) disaster waiting to take place in the next decade.
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Sometimes You

December28

Sometimes you hate me
Sometimes you love me
But you dont wanna let me go

Sometimes you want me
Sometimes you dont
But its all, why I love you so

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Perfection

December27

Perfection cant be defined. It cant be understood. It cant be achieved possibly, was what i thought. You only have a sense of it. An inkling that this might be it. The Perfect Thing. The Perfect One. And all your life you keep on waiting for it. Until you give up, and settle for something close.

The story is the same for me. All my life, i have waited for perfection. I never found anything, or anyone. And even if i did, there was always something missing. I mean, i might have wanted a lot. Almost impossible to find. But yet in my heart i had this feeling, that i will find it one day.
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The Last Few Days

December13

Its funny to have a life full of ups and down. It can be traumatic too. And the twists and turns, the play of destiny, the factor of LUCK all play their part. Just wanted to rethink my experience. So started writing about it. The priority list for me was CAT, placements, and passing.

I had registered to take CAT on 29th Nov. But then that sudden feeling at the last moment of giving the exam in the morning slot. I had decided to take it on 30th. I got it changed, which changed my test site code. That was in September. As luck would have it, one of the companies i was interested in appearing was Future First. And it would be taking its written on the eve of my CAT exam ( 29th/nov evening ) . I choose to focus on CAT and not appear for the test. My CAT as this new test site got canceled. So i lost the CAT and the company, which was quite frustrating.
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BTP presentation

November23

Before it even started, it felt like a scary night. It was the not the first time i would be facing this person Mr.X, but then i shiver thinking of him. Today was the day of my BTP presentation. The BEE TEE PEE or the Bachelor Thesis Project. Yeah we are all Bachelors, but then does this warrant a thesis?

Anyhow so i was working under my guide Mr.Y . He seemed to me as a genuine person, and i banked on him to help me out of the issue. I had worked decently, and i had showed him my report too. So before me there was another guy giving a presentation. And he had it coming his way, as he had copied everything. X gave it to him, and gave it hard. Y joined in. They almost called the security. X was shaking with anger. Y had said get lost.
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A New Friend

November23

Sometimes, desires overcome me
I just want to hold you tight
Caress your hair, look into your eyes
Come morning sun or Depth of night

Why am i left always wanting
without any friends or foes
Why do i exist , struggle through a life
When end is certain
only god knows
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Staring out of my classroom

November5

I wrote this one, partly in a class, and rest some days later.

I sit here absorbed and immersed
With nothing to look, except the window outside
Watching the buildings so heavenly white
Dotted with some greenish sights

I want to look at something apart
Yet i struggle to move my eyes
Do i admire, or am i just leching?
The answer flickers, but slowly dies

I turn my eyes, and continue to stare
But the buildings and greens are out of my sight
The beautiful hair, the perfect eyes
The black specs, and face so white
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