Written at 2am one sleepless night!
I dont know what i am writing and why. Its just that my mind has been hyperactive lately. So coming to the point, to my beloved topic, LOVE. I mean frankly i do not know how things work. Its like on the first impression, there are only 2 variables that a girl might come to know. Looks and Bank Balance. I am not sure how i look, and the second one is also questionable.
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Its a new start once again. I have come a long way from where i thought i would be in middle of August. To think of it, i would not have dreamed remotely of being here and now 6 months back. But that is why i believe in Destiny. An analogy of Destiny that comes to mind is Air. It is omnipresent, and yet we don’t really feel it. Its only when it becomes turbulent that we realise that destiny can blow us to any path it wants.
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As January started with final semester of college life, the end seemed near. And even more exciting was the fact, of finally being at home. At home, not in a vacation, but unexpectedly long until the next destination of life is made certain. Of being home at Delhi. Of being home, not as a guest for a few days. Delhi was calling me, and i was looking forward to it.
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Sometimes you just want to be alone
more alone than one could imagine
close your eyes
feel the darkness engulfing you
and you stumble into someone
unknown and unexpected
as willing to be alone as you
and yet wanting to talk
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“Are you kidding me?” This is the reaction to the events of past few days. I dont really know, what i have done. I needed to make a decision, and i had made it over the past 2 months. And yet at the last moment, i changed it. In just a split second. All through June i had been thinking, should i go for MBA at MDI Gurgaon, or go for a job.
The thing was before coming here, even till a day before, i was to join, i had decided in favour of MDI. The logic was that even after such a CAT fiasco, i had got admission to MBA. It wasnt the best college for finance, but i could make a compromise, and work hard, and get into finance and move up from there. And i would not have to spend time here and there, looking for a financial job off campus. But somehow, the decision was still hard and uneasy.
To wake up to the biting chill
fog wrapped like a blanket around me
Finding it hard to open my eyes
or to get out of bed and see
The overcast world
Depicting my life
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North East India.
Perhaps the first thing that comes to mind geographically is Kolkata or Assam / Guwahati. To some more travelled people, it might include Shillong or Gangtok. And that is what we refer to as North East. Imagining North East, what we end up thinking of are people called chinkis, which is used in an offensive manner most of the times.
They say Ignorance is Bliss. That’s how the majority of our country lives. In ignorance, of our country and its people itself.
I wrote a poem more than a year back called And there she stood . I still feel it to be the best thing i ever wrote. So just tried to continue from there. Maybe this is as good, though i am not sure!
I stand here again
Back to this place here, where
A few months ago she had stood
The faint smile and half words
My knees weaken, so does my soul
If only i could return
To that sweet moment in the past
And see that smile again
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Love is perhaps the most criticized emotion by me. I have always rather felt, it to be, a crazy sort of thing. But perhaps love is like a scale, and there are both end of the spectrum. All i see, we see, around us, is one end of the spectrum. The crazy part. The usual Love. The practical love. Nothing wrong about it, or is it? It’s rather not wrong to be practical. But how can one be practical about love. Confusing! But this blog is not about this end of the spectrum, the one i usually crib about. Its about the other end.
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The voice inside me has begun
Calling through the layers
Muffled, yet screaming
To be the one, who cares
There is pain in the words
Words so distant, yet near
Passing through the shells inside
Calling out to me “Hear”
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