I did not know the word solitude for the longest time. If you are like me, the definition of solitude is the state or situation of being alone. However it’s not the same as loneliness. If loneliness is being alone as an unwanted state of being, solitude is the exact opposite. It’s the state of being alone in a positive, wanted way.

As I grew up, lived in other cities for studies and eventually graduated – solitude was never something I thought of. If I had to pick up, I would say I had frequent bouts of loneliness. I could not imagine someone wanting to be alone instead of it being a forced punishment.

During my first ever solo trip in March of 2014, I wandered through Thailand and Cambodia. It was a soul searching trip because I had just undergone a major life event. However while the trip was to find meaning of why things happen as they do, I was most definitely not in search of solitude. I did need some time away from the world but solitude was not a word I had considered.

Then during my late 20s as I had all the company I needed and I became a lot more socially appropriate (from socially awkward) and I moved into management roles, I started occasionally needing to take a few hours and go sit at a café. Life was always busy and it was a welcome relief to have time to yourself to catch up on your own things.

I think 2016s was the first time I remember wanting solitude as a welcome break from life. Over the years I started wanting to just be instead of the constant state of doing. This was also the time of the rise of smartphones, social media and constant attention seeking apps. I would frequently need to spend time alone to feel more grounded. It was not something I actively sought out but just made the best use of life provided situations and was grateful for the same.

Then when COVID hit and you were stuck in your rooms or houses, the constant zoom calls, WFH and fast burnout work life, it was a constant drain and I was constantly thinking “I just want to stay in a mountain and get lost”. This was also the time when I read Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport and I had a new found appreciation for building solitude in my life. I wrote a blog about how I used that to make changes to my life.

When you are around familiar things and people, it’s comforting. But it may also have the same psychological cues and you may not be able to bring about new ways of thinking in your life. Solitude on the other hand helps you focus inward and eventually as the brain calms down and your DMN (Default Mode Network) kicks in, it creates new thoughts and pathways and brings new solutions to long standing concerns.

As COVID continued in 2021 and I worked weird hours and had occasional lock down experiences, I knew I was burnt out and exhausted. I would frequently write in my journal that I am tired, exhausted or burnt out. However I still continued down a path where I knew I was going 60 miles an hour towards a wall. In January of 2022, I hit that wall. There was obviously a triggering event but literally in seconds, a switch flipped in my brain and I was like I couldn’t do this anymore. I just had absolutely no energy left to care about anything (as I wrote in an older blog).

In March, I took a week off with my wife to do absolutely nothing in Mexico. While the break helped greatly, I knew that what I needed was solitude. I needed to be by myself so I can slowly unwind myself and find the pieces and thoughts that I am afraid to face. While my plan was to take a trip to Costa Rica, a last minute random event led me to book a ticket to Thailand instead. And I found this place in the mountains where the nearest human being in 0.5KM away.

I spent the first few days in solitude in the mountains before continuing with another 2 week of randomly traveling alone. I can see the effects of this experience, it feels like meditation but super charged. I believe solitude is a practice we need to build into our lives not as a way to be away from people you love or things you care about but because solitude helps you appreciate those same people and things a lot more, and it gives you a new found energy and a brand new perspective which allows you to be more present and a better you.

I had a moment of realization as I sat there in the mountain retreat, I realized that solitude is a maligned word in today’s world. It’s clubbed with loneliness and perhaps treated as an unwanted thing that happens to you but not something you want to happen. We crave for more events, attention, attractions and hardly have time to be. If anything our social norms look down on solitude. Why would you ever go on a trip by yourself? Won’t you get bored? What will you do? These are the common questions I get and I understand where they come from. However do not get swayed by that – seek out solitude in a way that makes sense and make it a part of your life.

TL;DR Make solitude your friend and it will help you be a better person.